SaltySweet or, The Betrayal of SanjiCook
by thermopylae
Summary: Nami sees the boys of the Straw Hat crew doing something they should not. Sanji cannot explain. There is nothing to explain. Boys just gotta do what boys gotta do...maybe.


**Disclaimer**: I certainly do not own "One Piece." Eiichiro Oda does and would just as certainly not write the scenario detailed below.

**SaltySweet** _or_ The Betrayal of Sanji-Cook

It was a balmy, summerish day. Nami lounged in the shade of her orange trees, her mind on nothing much at all. Below her, in the kitchen, she could hear the boys entertaining themselves. Amazingly, it sounded like they were managing to do so without tearing each other to pieces. Nami cocked an ear to eavesdrop, lazily. It never hurt to keep her hand, or rather her ear, in.

"Bet you can't fit all of it in your mouth," she heard Zoro say challengingly.

"Bet you I _can_," came Sanji's equally challenging reply.

There was a short silence, during which Nami's mind began to form dark thoughts.

"Bet you can't swallow," Zoro said finally.

Sanji, who obviously had his mouth full of something, could only manage a muffled "Uummph." Nami's thoughts grew ever darker. They turned positively pitch-black when Luffy's familiar laugh rang out and he said, "Bet you can't beat that, Usopp!"

"Oh, can't I just!" Usopp retorted. "You may not know this, but I was the reigning champion back in my village. I can fit three in my mouth at once!"

"But can you swallow?" Zoro persisted.

"You can't just spit it out?" Chopper, the innocent, trusting victim, asked.

"No," Zoro said flatly. "You have to finish the job. Otherwise, what's the point?"

"Look how much _I_ can swallow!" Luffy said, and Nami decided she'd had enough. She could not believe this. They were not seriously doing what she thought they were doing. They _couldn't_ be. Nami swung herself down from the orange grove deck and burst through the door of the kitchen.

What the navigator saw shocked, dismayed, and disgusted her. The four male members of the Straw Hat crew were clustered together around the kitchen table. Each of them had one either in his mouth or in his hand. Nami's horrified gaze finally sought out Sanji, who was studiously avoiding her eye.

"I can't believe this," Nami said, finally finding her voice again. "Not of you, Sanji. Just...not from you. I trusted you!"

Sanji said nothing. There was nothing to say.

"Why?" Nami implored. Her voice dropped low with something like grief. "Look at me, Sanji! Look at me and tell me why!"

But still Sanji would not look at her. The others remained silent as well. There were simply no words to make the situation better. They had been caught doing something they shouldn't have, and the betrayal in Nami's voice, sharper than any knife, was the price they had to pay.

"I would have loved you, Sanji," Nami whispered. "I would have loved you _forever_." She put a hand over her mouth to stifle a sob, then turned and ran back down the stairs.

Sanji stared after her silently. He could feel tears stinging his eyes. In one hand, he still held the can of whipped cream, and his mouth was still full of its fluffy foamy contents. The fluffy foamy contents he'd promised Nami to save for the biggest banana split sundae known to man for dessert that evening. The fluffy foamy contents which he had instead used for his own selfish, pointless whipped cream needs. After what seemed like an agonizing eternity, the cook finally came to his senses and swallowed the whipped cream. He licked his lips (sweet in painful contrast to the salty tears streaming down his face), and with an anguished "Nwaaaami-saaaaaaaaan!", he scrambled out the door after the traumatized navigator.

At the table, Zoro, Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper put down their own cans of whipped cream in disappointment. A game of How-Much-Whipped-Cream-Can-You-Squirt-In-Your-Mouth-At-Once wasn't much fun if the reigning champion chickened out. The afternoon suddenly took a turn for the boring...

"Aw, forget him," Zoro finally said disgustedly. "Come on. I've got Pop Rocks and soda. Let's see whose head blows up first."

...and immediately righted itself, setting a due course for Vastly Entertaining.

-----finis  
**notes**: 1. Sanji uses "Nami-swan" and "Robin-chwan" more in the anime, but in the manga he says "Nwami-san" a couple of times and I like that better. 2. In case you're not up on candy-related urban legends, eating Pop Rocks and drinking soda at the same time is supposed to make your head explode. I did not know this until it was way too late to unselfconsciously eat Pop Rocks, which, as this fic demonstrates, is clearly one of the biggest regrets of my young life.


End file.
